Sunday, September 11, 2011
I almost forgot. It was somewhere there, buried underneath. The busy day, fulfilling commitments, being inspired by everyone else, art, learning, defining limitations, insecurity, perfect love, the struggle of partnership, maintaining & creating meaningful relationships, travel, the news, cooking & tasting, desires, city, country, daily grind, paying bills, repairing credit, the constant search for development with the intention of taking on more to help others.
Take a step back, reflect deep. As long as it's the truth and it's your best, you can rest easy. Fuck. And so, what if not. I was trying to back it up while I have some time and collect info to get in check ... went to the doc, read the books, talked to those who know me and also seem to be living a desirable example. Everything looks good. See what the ones who inspire me are doing. Be alone and look loneliness straight in the face and tell it to "kiss it". Be fearless. Wildly creative, productive. Explore. I wanted to check in with old journals/photo albums to see any patterns in behavior. Alas, my basement flooded and they are all gone. So, I'm left with my mind. It seems the most intelligent thing to examine at this point.
My lover/best friend left for better things a month ago. My employer let me go last week. I'm ok with it, they were sucking me dry. I'm moving to a new place at the end of the month. So, to get back on track. Again and again, we see nothing is permanent but grasp to things to make us happy like monkeys on trees. We dumb. We can't define ourselves by the physical world. But damn, I dig Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" & Nina Simone's "Ain't got Nothin...I've got Life".
The only thing lasting is mind and the only thing to do is to fill it with good impressions and help others do the same. Max out the potential in each moment and let it just be what it is. Bliss out if it's awesome, learn if it sucks. Don't grasp. Not sexy. Let go and breath. Here's to truth and fearlessness.